…A virtue I sorely lack. Beint patient is something I have struggled with pretty much all my life. Even as a nervous little kid attending my first reconciliation, I remember asking the priest for guidance in being more patient. Even to myself, my lack of patience is incredibly frustration. For example, with the LSAT yesterday, immediately after the test was over, I felt compelled to check the LSAC website to see, at the very least, when scores were to be released (not to mention the lack of patience I experienced when this one boy in my testing room repeatedly ignored directions, adding ten or so minutes to the already-lengthy name-bubbling portion). I restrained myself from actually checking because, of course, nothing would be there. The tests probably hadn’t even left the building we took them in!
Experiencing a lack of patience with test scoring probably isn’t that unusual, especially for anyone used to the immediate gratification of scoring your own practice sections or tests. But the infuriating lack of patience I experienced this morning, for example, when my cat decided to hang out under the cars in the garage and ignore my pleading calls to come back into the house entirely, was an entirely different story. Having entirely no control over a situation is hard for me, as a type-a control freak/perfectionist. Have you ever tried to get a cat to come when you call? Yeah, doesn’t happen.
In many ways, I’m used to relying on myself for things. When working on group projects, I much prefer to carry the bulk of the work than to sit by and let others dictate what we should each do. When writing papers, I prefer to find information online or figure out where in the library books are, rather than approach one of the school’s many librarians for assistance on a topic. My future is MY future so I want to be in control of making it as great as it can be. I suppose in some ways this is a trust issue, too. I trust myself to get things done; I don’t necessarily trust random group members who I don’t know (maybe this is wrong of me, but anyone who has ever done a group project should understand this sentiment). So, when things fall out of my control, it’s hard. When people don’t react the way I wish they would, it’s hard. I can’t affect how quickly or slowly the LSAC scores my exam. There is literally nothing I can do about it. Even if the that thought makes me anxious, I know that I have to accept it. Even though my cat did not want to come out and wanted to sit under the cars for God knows what reason, I have to accept that. And, lastly, there’s absolutely nothing I can do about a girl who is rude about a shirt order I made for my pre-law fraternity, who I now have to send a refund. (This last one is, perhaps, the hardest of the three for me to accept today.)
I remind myself that things happen for a reason and that they work out the way they’re supposed to, but sometimes this little mantra just doesn’t seem to suffice. Now that the LSAT is over, I think I’ll take this awful waiting period between the exam and finding out my score as an exercise in patience. And, next time Louis decides he needs to play in the garage, I’ll try to be more understanding. No promises, though.